Have you ever felt like you’re always suppressing your desire to please others? Even when your heart says ‘no’, ‘yes’ comes out of your mouth? Trying to please others is undoubtedly a commendable quality. But there is a limit to this too. If any good thing is done in excess, its results are not always positive. Today’s report is about how this habit is affecting your life and how to get rid of it.

The trap of excessive courtesy: Why is it harmful?
If you always try to please everyone, you will find that people take advantage of this weakness of yours at some point. Many around you will assume that you will leave your own work and do theirs at any time. And you will do the same. This wastes your own time, reduces your self-worth, and sometimes it feels like someone is taking unfair advantage of you.
Subhankar Das (name changed), who works in a private company in Kolkata, says, “My colleagues know that I cannot say no. As a result, even when I have a lot of work, I still take on their work. Later, I have to stay up late to finish my own work. This has become a source of mental stress for me.” Such an experience is not unique to Subhankar, it is a familiar picture in the lives of many.

How do you know if you are stuck in this cycle?
There are some clear signs of this habit. You may not want anyone to get angry with you or look down on you. Or you cannot say no even when you have a lot of work to do. For example, you have two hours of work left, but when an acquaintance asks for half an hour of work, you do it to your detriment. Does such a situation happen in your life too?
5 effective ways to say ‘no’
It is possible to get out of this cycle. Although it may seem difficult at first, with time you will feel lighter and more confident. It is worth noting that saying ‘no’ does not mean stopping helping others, but rather bringing a healthy balance between yourself and others. So let’s find out the five ways:

1. Realize your rights
   The first step is to understand that you have full rights over your time and work. Psychologist Dr. Sayani Chatterjee says, “Many people can’t say no because they think it will upset others. But if someone doesn’t appreciate the value of your time, that’s their problem, not yours.” If someone asks you to do something that disrupts your work, politely say, “I’m busy with an urgent task right now. I’ll get back to you later.” Practice this, and you’ll find it easier to say ‘no.’
2. Prioritize your work
   At the beginning of the day, organize your tasks. Knowing what’s urgent and what can wait will make it easier to make decisions. Suppose you have a project due today. Then, if someone asks you to help with their work, you can easily understand that it will harm your own work. Then you can politely say, “I have an urgent deadline today, I can see you later.” However, in an emergency situation, such as someone’s life, definitely help.
3. Avoid Opportunists
   Some people take advantage of your kindness. They understand that you won’t say ‘no’, so they come to you repeatedly. Identify such people and increase your distance from them. This can be difficult, especially if they are friends or relatives. However, if they seem to be using you, reduce contact with them.
4. Accept Guilt
   It is normal to feel guilty after saying ‘no’ at first. You may think, “Did I do something wrong?” But this will pass. As a polite person, you do not want to hurt others. However, remember that if you do not value yourself, you will harm yourself in the long run. Accept this guilt and move on.
5. Take care of yourself
   Taking care of your physical and mental health increases your confidence. When you respect yourself, it will be easier to reject unreasonable demands from others. Make time for regular exercise, adequate sleep and hobbies. This will strengthen you mentally.
6. 
   The bottom line: Balance is the key
   Never lose the attitude of helping others. But when it becomes an obstacle to your own progress or becomes a tool of selfish people, it is important to say ‘no’. Strengthen yourself, so that in the future you can stand by the side of more people. Understanding the situation, ‘yes’ and ‘no’—this balance will make you a healthy and successful person.
   So the next time someone asks you for something unreasonable, stop and think—is this right for you? If not, then do not hesitate to say ‘no’ politely.